Marriage comes with a Baggage!

Recently one of my friends was getting married. It was a pure arrange marriage. Undoubtedly, rather than being excited she was a tad wary about the whole deal. The stakes are higher in an arrange marriage compared to a love marriage wherein the former is more of a gamble of lives of two unknown people.

Nevertheless, be it arrange or love, marriage always comes with a baggage!

And the reasons are many...

1. With marriage comes responsibilities

2. Once independent souls are expected to embrace another’s likes and dislikes and live with it

3. A boundary is drawn over one’s thoughts, independence, freedom since there is an implicit expectation that your actions are in accordance with your better half’s

4. Some choose to compromise and adjust to avoid conflicts and have a smoother sail. But it may in turn effect their self-esteem and self-identity

5. Others choose to remain resolute and put forth their ego above everything. This attitude leads to never ending conflicts in the relationship

In either case it is a lose-lose situation for a couple who are bound to be entwined in love rather than conflicts and hatred.

These challenges are easier to tackle when the role players are few (only the husband and wife in a relationship). But the complexity is more when the stakeholders are many. This is the case in traditional Indian families which follow the joint family system.

Here again, depending upon the background and mindset of both the families, the challenges vary.

Someone from a conservative family may find it difficult to adjust with the ways of a modern family. Similarly, those from a disciplined environment may find it hard to understand a less disciplined lifestyle. The scenarios can be many…

The point to ponder is that, these differences, though trivial, becomes a gamut of change to a person’s life when imposed directly or indirectly because of marriage. Hence it is very important to ensure that neither of the two in the relationship becomes a victim of the same.

The influence of society and the immediate family upon a married couples life augments the friction further. In most cases, it is best to avoid heeding the opinions of these external sources as they could be more biased than true.

It is important to know that the strength of the bond developed during the initial stage could make or break the marriage. It is this period when the couple should spend more time understanding each other and developing their bond stronger.

Being sensitive to your spouse’s weaknesses and strengths will enable you to accept the other the way they are. It is unrealistic to expect someone to change completely for you. It is also unfair to set expectations from your spouse if you are not willing to change to meet their expectations.

Marriage is not a game to be won by defeating the other. It is a game best won by playing it hand in hand with your spouse. Thus, to be in a healthier and happier relation, it is wiser to play the game fair for both the players.

It is true that MARRIAGE COMES WITH A BAGGAGE, but then it all depends on how you handle the baggage. If you lift it alone, it will be heavy, if you share the load with your better half, it will be lighter!